I kept him with me for far too long.
Next to me.
In touching distance.
So I could hear his breathing, his murmurs, his movements, through the night.
So I could watch him in those quiet moments just before I fell asleep.
Lily was in her own room from when she was around 6 months. Our first baby, fiercely independent, she was ready and we were ready.
But my boy.
My miracle boy, I just couldn’t let him go.
It became a bit of a running joke, Chris saying that he’d still be in our room when he was a teenager. And although there are no rules, I knew, at 2 he should really be in his own room.
Meeting him and spending time with him it’s hard to believe what happened to him.
His dramatic entrance to this world
How I didn’t get to hold him when he was born.
How I had to wait for cuddles.
How close we came to losing him.
How it could have been so different.
I kept him close because I needed him to be near.
So scared that something else would try to take him away from me
Over time I have been able to heal, worry a little less, relax a little more.
Recently nights were getting unsettled and mornings were getting earlier than they needed to be, really early as we woke each other up.
It was time.
We needed to reclaim our room and the space beside my bed.
We, I, was finally ready.
Over the summer holidays the move finally came, walls were painted, a new bed was bought, pictures and curtains hung.
Decorating so the room will grow with him over the next few years.
We weren’t sure how he would take to being by himself after being in our room for so long, how he would react to the freedom a bed brings rather than a cot.
Whether he would be able to sleep in a room alone after only ever sleeping with the sounds of us
There have only been a couple of occasions he’s got up in the night but has gone straight back to bed.
We couldn’t help laugh when he popped his head round the living room door one night and exclaimed ‘I’m back’ after stealthily getting himself up and downstairs.
It’s such a relief
He loves his new room, he sleeps better and is more settled.
A big boy room, perfect for my tiny toddler.