I have never quite liked you January
Always feeling like you were the longest month
With the darkest nights and coldest days
And the least amount of money after over indulging at Christmas.
A month with nothing exciting to look forward to
Where no one wants to make plans.
You became the month of bad news
Chris started treatment in you, what now feels like a lifetime ago
You were the month that was filled with so much promise when we thought it was all over,
Shattered by re-diagnosis and the realisation that our time together was borrowed.
The month where some of the hardest moments I have experienced took place
And every year I’ll be reminded of them.
This year though, I think we have made some sort of peace
You have been kind to me after an awful December
I have noticed the nights starting to get a little lighter,
Ever so slowly
Instead of concentrating on the darkness.
I have made a conscious effort to be careful with money,
With a vow not to buy things I don’t need
Which has helped me worry less.
I have got out of the house with the kids
Giving them the adventures I have promised
Being outdoors giving my soul the fresh air it craves
Starting as I mean to go on.
I have spent time with good friends
Feeling loved and filling the days with laughter.
I started to move away from feeling guilty about doing things for me
Being by myself and spending time away from the kids.
I have made plans, I have ideas, I have things to look forward to,
You have been kind to me January
Making me feel ok
A little braver, a little stronger, a little more relaxed, a little happier
My shoulders have felt lighter, the knot in my stomach less tight
More able to face the world.
Thank you for allowing me the gentle start to the year I needed
I hope the other months pay attention and are as good to us as you were.