
Episode 6 | Grief during a lockdown – After. Looking, Learning & Living
I sit,
I sit and listen
To birdsong
To the buzzing of bees.
I hear the wind
As it rustles through trees,
The laughter and tears of neighbours
Of DIY and gardening.
The gentle humming from nearby
Almost empty roads.
Music drifts to me on the breeze
Floats to my ears.
I feel the sun beat down on my face
The light almost blinding
As I close my eyes to the world
Willing the heat to warm me.
I take deep breaths
Measured and even
Calm.
Feigning calm
I try to focus on nothing
Ignore what races through my mind
To try and fight the darkness
That has settled at the edges of my thoughts
The dark shards slice and sting
Distorting and manipulating the light in my soul.
It thinks too much
It feels too much
Fear runs through my veins,
Guilt rises in my throat like bile
‘Cause I’m lucky
Lucky, I’m safe and well
When so many are not.
What ifs and maybes and could’ve been
Add fuel to the darkness
Stabbing bitterness through my dreams.
I can’t find a moment alone
As loneliness spreads.
It’s not forever
Yet it is.
You’re missing from me.
Small joys hide in the fog
I keep looking
I’ll keep looking
To give light a chance.