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Old School Auntie Mary

Dear Rhyl,

I have recovered from the weekend! Just!

We hadn’t really considered how tiring you would be!

Didn’t we have fun though.

I bet your ears are still ringing from the joyous noise (screaming and shouting) our rabble of kids were making!

The sun was out, it was lovely and warm, I somehow managed to get a bit of sunburn, despite having suntan cream on.

The kids had a brilliant time and us mummies managed a drink or two! I mean opening a beer at 11:30  isn’t too early when you’ve been up since 6 and the wine out of the mugs was a classy move, there wasn’t any wine glasses after all! It really was the only way we were going to get through the rest of the day. Like I said to you before, we really were not enjoying it. We needed it!

There are some things I’ve learnt this weekend, I thought I would share with you. If you ever decide to do a FAQ card or something these may come in handy.

1. It’s completely acceptable to stab small children in the hand with your fork if they keep trying to steal your poppadoms! Especially if you have waited a long time for tea, it had taken you nearly 3 hours to reach you Rhyl, in Friday evening M6 traffic and the rain.

2. Going to bed at 2 in the morning after several drinks and feeling quite tipsy (drunk) is not a good idea. Excited kids, no matter how late they go to bed, will always be up before 6 and the sound carries in caravans. A lot.

3. If you want kids to play outside when it’s sunny they will not. They will want to stay inside. If it had been raining and we had made them stay inside, they would not have. You will never win!

4. Falling over whilst pushing a child on a swing will always make your friends laugh!

5. When going swimming as a group it is literally all hands on deck! Kids are slippery little buggers, especially when they’re insistent they don’t need armbands!

6. It is acceptable to open a beer and continue drinking from 11:30 in the morning. It’s lunchtime. You’ve been up since 6. You have earned that drink!

5. Kids will ask (mither) to go to the kids disco virtually all day. When you arrive however, they will just want to sit and not join in, some may even sleep through the whole thing. You will need more alcohol at this point ’cause this type of disco was sent by the devil!

6. If one of the kids joins in a game at the disco it is acceptable to take on a win at all costs mentality and wrestle other kids for game items! Just know that other people may not be impressed with your tactics!

7. It is okay to flash, window to window, for shits and giggles. Not at strangers obviously.

8. It is acceptable to join in the conversation happening outside the caravan from the toilet window, whilst you’re sat on the toilet. We are all friends after all.

9. There is such thing as old school fanny. Lady bits with hair. Apparently the kids of today whizz every inch of public hair off. Sounds like too much effort to me! I’m still not even sure if this is a real thing!

10. People call their vaginas names. Like Auntie Mary. This will lead to hilarious conversations!

11. You will not learn, and will go to bed after midnight for the second night running, a little tipsy (drunk) and the kids, even though they have now had 2 late nights will still be up at 6!

This list might help other people who decide to visit you Rhyl!

We had a brilliant weekend Rhyl.

My kid said her favourite part was stroking a couple of dogs despite everything else we did, we’ll let her off won’t we.

We were all in it together Rhyl and we survived.

Thank you for having us!

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