I can’t be there

07/09/2016.Reading time 4 minutes.

I wasn’t there when Chris was told by our GP he had a tumour. He went to the appointment by himself. If I’m honest I don’t think at that point either of us believed that it would ever be anything really serious. Really life changing. I was at work. He rang me. It was the […]

I am Strong, but I am tired.

20/08/2016.Reading time 4 minutes.

When they ask, I tell people I’m fine. I am. Fine. It’s not a choice. There is no option. I didn’t wake up one morning and make a conscious decision that this is how I would feel this year. It just is. I wondered for a long time whether I was in denial. About Chris’ […]

Needing a rest from the juggle

18/07/2016.Reading time 4 minutes.

I am ready for a break. A break from juggling. Everything. I am ready not to have to set my alarm, to lazily get ready in the morning, to not have to commute, to stay in my PJs if I really want to. To sit with no real need to go anywhere. Ready for aspects […]

When the small boy turned 2

11/06/2016.Reading time 3 minutes.

I wasn’t ready last year. To celebrate Sams birthday. I didn’t want to think about it, the date. Didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened, what he went through. The run up made me feel anxious, sick and teary. I wanted to forget. Forget about his traumatic entrance in the world. Forget my […]

If it were me

18/04/2016.Reading time 4 minutes.

I try not to question why. Why out of all the people in the world this is happening to him. In dark moments it’s really hard not to ask, not to try to dissect the situation, pull it apart, look at whether something could have been done sooner to make it less, serious, less, life […]