It’s a Queen classic and my theme tune!

I’m overweight. This isn’t me looking for sympathy, it’s a fact. I’m short too so on one of those fat chart thingys I’m easily classed as obese. I carry the weight on my tummy which is a pain, I look pregnant when I’m not – can be kind of embarrassing. I blame my dad for this, all his sisters carry weight on their tummys too (I also blame my dad for my short legs and gypsy profile but that’s another story)

It comes from my eating problem. I’m not a comfort eater I just love it. Eating. I love food, I love all food, trying new food, going out for food and the taste of food.

But I’ll tell you what I don’t like, exercise! I’m beyond unfit, I’ve tried the gym, I didn’t like it. I’ve tried doing exercise videos, found them boring. I’ve tried swimming, was too faffy getting ready for.

So what does someone who is overweight, unfit and hate exercise do.

They sign themselves up to take part in a half marathon. They fill out the application form, sign on the dotted line and pay the registration fee and sign themselves up to take part in a half marathon in March.

Stop laughing, I’m serious!

Ok no one in their right mind would do this! I have! I think I need my bloody head testing!

Granted it is for a fantastic charity that I love Me 2 You (I’ll tell you all about them soon) and really if it wasn’t for them I’d be seriously thinking about backing out.

I don’t think I’ve underestimated it, much!!

I went for a ‘power walk’ yesterday. I had to borrow Mr Cs trackie bottoms, I caught sight of myself in the mirror and hadn’t actually realised how large my arse has got – so much for me carrying weight on my tummy! I’ve got my sport trainers rather than fashion trainers and I’ve created a playlist of motivational walking songs. I’ve told Mr C the route I’m going to walk, just so if I’m not back in an hour he can come and get me. You can never be too careful. Although he has pointed out that if I’m bundled into the back of a van knowing the route won’t help me!

I set off. I look nothing like a jogger. In fact I don’t jog I waddle, I think it has something to do with the way my feet point outwards when I walk, which is something I’ve only just noticed. I’m not even jogging, I’m power walking but I’ve forgot to stretch so I’m less than 5 minutes in and already my legs are hurting!

Ellie Goulding Anything can Happen is playing and I’m hoping I can walk the pain off, I’m on a main road so I’m not stopping to stretch I’d look like a right knob! I’m not off to a very good start.

Where I live is quite countryfied, there are fields with cows and sheep in and farms, And Hills. Hadn’t anticipated that when I planned my route. I’m already getting sweaty and I can’t take Mr C’s Top Gear hoody off cause I’m not really at the stage I want my wobbly bits on show under the too tight T-Shirt I’ve got on! I also feel like I’m going to puke, I’m hoping I don’t do it at the side of the road, I have no tissues!

I turn off the main road, I can see in the distance the houses i’m going to pass in front of on my route, they look tiny. I pass a couple of public footpath signs, I know they’ll take about 3 quarters of the length of the walk. I keep going! I catch sight of my reflection. I AM RED! Seriously red, like you’d be worried for my blood pressure red! The incline gets sharper here, and I pass a proper runner, not just a fat bird waddling along. I smile politely, through gritted teeth, but inside I’m dying!

Seriously what on Earth have I let myself in for. At this point in the walk I know I can’t do it. There is no way I’m going to be able to complete this half marathon, it’s just going to be too hard. What have I done signing up for this! It’s beyond impossible. I actually feel like crying.

Then Florence comes on

‘and it’s hard to dance with the devil on your back so Shake it out’

Every single hair on my body stands on end, I’ve heard this song a lot but it’s never had this effect. I’m feeling all emotional. I don’t know if it’s the slight breeze that’s appeared or the fact that I’m going down hill, I pick up speed. My breathing has evened out and I can no longer hear my pulse in my ears, or I’ve gotten used to the rasping breaths and the music is drowning my pulse out!

It’s a sign surely, yes it’s going to be difficult and I’m going to have to work really hard and there are loads of people who I know don’t think I can do it but I’ve just got to shake those thoughts off and get on with it! And even if I am the last one to finish and break the record for the slowest half marathon ever done I will have completed it.

I smile a bit, add another half mile to my route, i’d secretly been planning on cutting out in my head! My big toe has gone numb, i’m not sure how normal this is, and my legs feel like lead. It’s getting dark too so I could really do with getting home. I’m now thinking that I need my own training stuff and a sports bra ’cause this one is not suitable.

I’m nearly home and Mr C rings, it’s been about an hour (I’ve since checked and the route was 3.8 miles) he’s checking he doesn’t need to get me.

I turn into my street and my theme tune comes on and I smile, ’cause

‘Fat Bottomed Girls they make the rocking world go round’