Them Humps!

I need to move.

Seriously. I need to move. I had not realised how god damn hilly it is around here. Why have I never noticed this before! I’ve lived here for the past 7 years, I’ve walked around this area before, I’ve driven round a lot. I knew it was hilly, we’re virtually in the countryside but I didn’t realise how hilly! Even the flat bits are all on a slight incline.

I’ve kept up with the training, usually I’d have given up on anything slightly exercise related by now through sheer boredom and uselessness. But I am actually shitting my pants about this half marathon, I just need to finish it, I’m not backing out and literally the only way that is going to happen is if I train.

I was up, ready and out early on Saturday morning. I’m still wearing Mr Cs jogging bottoms but have managed to fashion a sports bra out of a maternity bra I found at the back of my drawer – It’s wireless, comfy and it seems to be doing the trick. I decided to go on the 2 mile route I’d gone on Friday night, I jogged a bit but mostly walked. It wasn’t so bad although I was playing dodge the dog doo for most of the walk. Seriously dog walkers pick up your dogs shit or don’t own a dog! Anyway I was proud of myself for dragging my arse out of bed and getting out there rather than any distance or time.

Sunday I was up and out early again, it was drizzly. I made the ridiculous decisions (although I didn’t know it at the time) of going on the 2 mile route the opposite direction. This was mistake number one. Actually mistake number one was signing up for this half marathon, I’m not sure what mistake we’re up to but it’s mistake number one on Sunday. Basically the hill is steeper and longer this direction round, I wasn’t even half way and was already running out of steam. Just about this stage of the ‘jalk’ (a new word I’ve created merging jog and walk together) the heavens opened. I’d had the forsight to put a water proof coat on but that doesn’t keep your legs dry, my hood wouldn’t stay up so my head was getting wet and I am now in the new found knowledge that my running shoes are not water proof. I jogged a bit more, mainly to get home and out of the rain quicker, it’s like an ice rink cause of the wet leaves. I was going to add water proof running shoes to my essential training list when Mr C advised that most running shoes aren’t water proof and I will just have to put up with foot rot – Great! He also kindly informed me that he could of told me the way I walked the hill was pretty steep, again – Great!

Monday was a rest day, and I wish I hadn’t, resting gives you time to think. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ve in no way underestimated the challenge, I just hadn’t realised how far 13.5 miles actually is. I like to be able to visualise things so have been asking, constantly, if I set off from my house where I would end up if I jalked 13 miles. I’m becomming pretty obssessed with distance. It’s a long way and at the minute I can’t visualise myself finishing which scares the life out of me. I also don’t do thing by halves, not only have I signed myself up for a 13.5 mile run when I’ve never ran anywhere in my life not even for a bus, all of my training is going to have to take place over winter and mostly in the dark. You know when all you want to do is curl up in the warmth – they’ll be none of that for me, but it’s the only way I’m going to get through it.

I knew I needed to get back out there. Tuesday I’m ready to go, it’s dark. Mr C doesn’t want me to jalk the 2 mile route, he thinks I should stick to the main roads. He gives me a route, it’s 2.5 miles. Not too bad I think so I set off. I’ve already decided I’m going to try to jog more this time. I’ve got a new running app for my phone, this one breaks down the quickest and slowest parts of the route. I do the first mile in 13 minutes, my app tells me in my ear, interupting Mama do the Hump. I’m going really well, if I do say so myself. The fresh air is nice and I like the way I can see my pony tail swishes in my shadow, as an aside my shadow has a well nice figure. I’m walking mostly but jogging a little bit. I’m trying to find a slower pace so I can jog for longer. I’m getting there and then I come across Everest. Ok, so calling the hill I’m currently facing Everest may be a slight exaggeration, Maybe. It’s big enough and the biggest hill I’ve faced so far. I can do this, can’t I? No I bloody well can’t, my legs are giving out, I’m virtually crawling up it. I am not a pretty site, my shadow is shaking her fist at me! I finally get to the top and I’m done in, seriously. I’m thinking of ringing Mr C to come and get me. I keep walking my legs are heavy, all I want to do is get home now. I’m out of breath, but when I catch it a bit I start to jog again it’s surely going to get me home quicker. My foot has gone numb, you know when you get pins and needles and your foot feels massive, thats how it feels, this can’t be normal!! I drag myself home, I’m done in. These hills are are killing me. I know in the long run (no pun intended) they’ll be good for my stamina but at the minute they are doing absolutely balls all for my confidence!

My new app tells me I did 2.5 miles. 36 minutes. Not bad at all really seen as though I’ve been on an expedition this evening! I’ve also burned 300 calories which probably only cancels out the the cadburys fingers I ate earlier in the day.

Tonight we’ve both had a rest day and have had a Halloween family night. Me not going out has absolutely nothing to do with the fact it’s Halloween and I’d be scared in the dark and all the minature dressed up people. Honest! I told Mr C I need a flatter route, he said I shouldn’t hold my breath for that one!

Seriously I need to move!

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30 something, married, mummy of one. Getting by on chocolate and laughter.

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