I love coming here and having a space to clear whatever is going on in my head.
I have always loved to write, to create pictures, make people laugh (sometimes) and evoke emotions with the words I type on the page.
I write from my heart, always. I write what I’m feeling and thinking, I am inspired by my life and my observations.
I cannot force it, which is why I will never be able to schedule or write every day.
My first drafts are often filled with ‘Buts’ and ‘ands’ as I usually write how I speak, I can often get carried away with both. The words ‘too colloquial’ would often be scrawled in red pen by my English Teacher on marked work.
I post and if someone other than Chris or my friends read my ramblings and ‘get it’ or get me then I’m happy.
I don’t get 1000s of views on each post, I wish!
I don’t have thousands of follows on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube or any other social media I should be promoting myself on.
In fact, if I get a total 200 people reading something I put out there, I’m over the bloody moon, that’s nearly everyone on my Facebook friends list!
Of course I wouldn’t mind a couple more people to read but if they don’t, they don’t.
I sometimes struggle to even call myself a blogger.
It seems I have done myself an injustice. I have been too self-deprecating and haven’t given myself enough credit.
This year I have been the finalist in 2 blogging awards ran by 2 of the biggest parenting blog networks out there.
I know how lucky I am to be a finalist in one awards never mind two!
Back in June, I was a Reader’s Choice finalist in the BiBs.
Just this weekend, I was the finalist in the Outstanding Contribution category at the MAD Blog Awards.
When I first saw my name on the finalists list I was a bit, I don’t know, numb, a bit embarrassed.
Would people look down the list of well-known blog names and wonder who they hell this blogger is? And what is outstanding about her?
Looking at the amazing, hardworking bloggers who I was a finalist alongside and those who had been finalists and winners in previous years, the enormity of the situation started to sink in, I started to become unsure of myself.
I was so overwhelmed that my name was there.
I found it difficult to tell people, in case they asked me what I had done to deserve it because I had no idea.
I was excited I would be able to go to the awards ceremony, 3 course meal and drinks at a posh hotel in that there London. I had a brilliant night, such a laugh with some amazing people I have met through this little blog.
I didn’t ever think I would win and I wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t, even though for a split second my heart skipped a mini beat as they read out the name of the very worthy winner, also called Becky.
Here’s the thing, and probably the point of this post. Even if I didn’t believe I was ever going to win, someone or a few of you out there thought I could.
They, you, believed I was a worthy of an award. They came here and read, they get it, get me. They went out of their way to nominate my little blog out of all the other blogs they visit and support.
I say I am a small fish in a big talented, creative pond because I honestly see myself that way and I’m really ok with that.
This doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy what I do, stand by what I write.
I just need to start believing in myself a bit more.
I need to start believing I’m an actual blogger, even if it’s an irregular one.
I am proof that small fish are just as worthy.
I should be very proud of myself.
For those of you reading this, for coming back when you see a post from me creep into your Facebook feed or timeline and taking the time to read it, to whoever nominated me.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
I now have a finalist trophy, which will always remind me, that even when I’m having a crisis of confidence, I should always believe I can be Outstanding.