The past few weeks have been those of adjustment and laughter.
Adjusting to news we weren’t expecting.
It’s harder to hear the second time round, you’re very aware of the what a cancer re occurrence so soon can mean.
Adjusting to knowing that there will be no cure for Chris’ cancer.
He will have to keep fighting for as long as he can.
Adjusting to another treatment regime, which may or may not be able to control the spread of disease.
Working out a new routine of appointments and trips to Christies.
Adjusting to Chris having to be in his wheelchair all the time now, no longer having strength in his leg to be able to use his crutches.
Making adjustments to the house to make it more accessible for him, with a stair lift and a sofa bed for when he has no energy to get upstairs.
Adapting the way we do things are do so Chris can maintain some independence.
Adjusting to now being a carer, as well as a wife and mummy
Becoming responsible for all of the cooking, tidying, bedtime routines and everything else around the house.
Adjusting to the very real prospect of very limited time.
It has gone quickly and at times it’s been exhausting. A constant whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.
Although it feels like a lifetime in reality it’s still only been a few weeks.
I can no longer remember my life before.
We have been learning, adapting and making changes as we have been going along.
Finding a new way of doing things and coping with each new symptom or side effect.
Thinking differently about the way we have always done things.
To make life a little easier for all of us.
We have been changing plans, making plans and setting goals.
Spending time with friends and family.
And not leaving it so long next time.
We have been telling those we care about how much we love them.
We have been laughing.
I have been laughing, a lot.
Chris has always made me laugh, since I’ve known him a day has not gone by without a giggle.
Now I laugh at our life and the situations we find ourselves in.
I laugh when I get him out of the house in his wheelchair, banging his arms on the door frame as I go.
I laugh when I can’t get him up curbs in the street.
I laugh when he, or the kids use the stair lift and crack jokes as they go, slowly, upstairs.
I laughed when the chemo upset his stomach and he struggled to get to the loo in time.
I laugh when he says that his sheer stubbornness will give him 6 more months on top of any other time he’s told.
I laugh because you have to laugh at these things.
It diffuses how awful it could be if we let it take over.
And I won’t let it take over.
I will not let cancer steal our laughter
I will not let it steal the joy that laughing together brings.
I’m sure as we continue on this path we find ourselves on that we will need to keep making changes, big and small.
But through it we will smile
We will laugh
Until the very end.
They say, the most wasted day of all is one in which we haven’t laughed
And I don’t want to waste a single day.