It’s not good for me

It creeps in, a little at a time

Normally during times of relative calm

Without me even noticing until it’s too late

Until it’s at the forefront of my thoughts

Clouding judgement and sensibility

Hope

I need to give up on it

It’s a feeling I can’t control once it’s there

Once it has taken root

I try to prepare myself for the worst, so unexpected news is easier to manage, easier to cope with.

Hope lulls me into a false sense of security

Allows me to think news can only be good

Hope makes me look to the future, not too far, but far enough, passed the day I’m living.

It makes me believe that rest is possible

Rests from appointments, rests from hanging around in hospital waiting rooms,

A rest from worrying.

Hope is the feeling that does me the most damage

That lifts me too far away from reality

That the inevitable crash to Earth leaves me struggling to breathe

It is hope that makes my heart hurt the most

When unfulfilled, takes me the longest to get over.

Hope distracts me from feelings I want, I need, to concentrate on

The feelings I want to embrace

Those that make my life easier and my heart fuller

Hope steals my contentment of the time we have

Hope distracts me from the joy I feel from the simple things

The joy in every day moments

I do not need hope to love or to be loved

I do not need hope to be able to laugh

I do not need hope to feel truly happy

No good can come from hope.

I’m saying goodbye to it

Hope makes me believe in a life that will never be mine

When I should be making the one I’m living the very best it can be.