It’s not good for me
It creeps in, a little at a time
Normally during times of relative calm
Without me even noticing until it’s too late
Until it’s at the forefront of my thoughts
Clouding judgement and sensibility
I need to give up on it
It’s a feeling I can’t control once it’s there
Once it has taken root
I try to prepare myself for the worst, so unexpected news is easier to manage, easier to cope with.
Hope lulls me into a false sense of security
Allows me to think news can only be good
Hope makes me look to the future, not too far, but far enough, passed the day I’m living.
It makes me believe that rest is possible
Rests from appointments, rests from hanging around in hospital waiting rooms,
A rest from worrying.
Hope is the feeling that does me the most damage
That lifts me too far away from reality
That the inevitable crash to Earth leaves me struggling to breathe
It is hope that makes my heart hurt the most
When unfulfilled, takes me the longest to get over.
Hope distracts me from feelings I want, I need, to concentrate on
The feelings I want to embrace
Those that make my life easier and my heart fuller
Hope steals my contentment of the time we have
Hope distracts me from the joy I feel from the simple things
The joy in every day moments
I do not need hope to love or to be loved
I do not need hope to be able to laugh
I do not need hope to feel truly happy
No good can come from hope.
I’m saying goodbye to it
Hope makes me believe in a life that will never be mine
When I should be making the one I’m living the very best it can be.