The Mummy Date

At some point after having a baby, when you’re beginning to adjust to a tiny human ruling your life, you start getting bored with the same four walls and you know you need to get out of the house! Let’s be honest, babies, although cute and adorable (most of the time) they’re not much company and there’s only so many one-sided conversations you can manage. You start to crave the company of people who can wipe their own bottoms and wont vomit all over you without warning. Basically you need a reason to get out of the house that doesn’t include you spending a fortune in home & bargains on things that, quite frankly, you can do without!

That’s when you start looking for, gulp, baby groups. I’ll be honest when I had the munchkin I just didn’t bother so I did end up going slightly stir crazy. This time I knew I needed to get out of the house so that didn’t happen again. I discovered I’m quite lucky as where I live there is something to do in the area or at one of the local children’s centres on most days.

Going to one of these groups for the first time is daunting, or maybe that’s just me. Meeting people for the first time when you’ve had less than 3 hours sleep and had to clean milk sick out of your hair 5 minutes before leaving the house does nothing for your confidence! You go regardless as you’ve geared yourself up for it with the vague hope that someone might take pity and talk to you.

After a while you settle into a routine and you see the same mums at the different groups you go to. You chat, (someone took pity) you watch the babies grow, if you’re lucky you’ll learn their actually names rather than just ‘Sams mummy,’ you become friends on facebook, for those couple of hours each week these are the ladies who know exactly what you’re going through!

Then someone suggests a night out. Without babies.

A mummy date.

Now, in theory this is a brilliant idea. What new mummy doesn’t want some time to just be themselves again? It’s quite easy to lose who you are when you have a new baby, your life is now consumed with your tiny creation. But, if you thought gearing yourself up for a baby group was bad, preparing yourself for an actual night out comes with a complete new set of worries!

For starters, if you’re like me and still carrying the majority (all, plus some) of your baby weight and shape 9 months on, just finding something that fits and deciding on something to wear causes a headache. You’re meeting at the local pub, so do you go smart casual? Casual? Smart? Jeans? (ha! like they fit) Dress with leggings? Dress with tights? Flats vs heels? You’re not sure what everyone else will be wearing, you don’t want to be over or under dressed and you don’t know these girls enough to send a quick text to get a general consensus and some of them are much trendier than your wardrobe allows.

Will you have anything to talk about? Normally the babies are the focal point and distraction, will the night be filled with awkward silences? The only thing you have in common up to now is the fact that you’ve pushed/had removed a baby out of your body recently.

Practical arrangements need to be made, who’s watching the baby? How you’re getting there and back? Playing it safe you drive, just in case it all goes horribly wrong you can leave early and they’re probably not ready for the sobbing into your drink that sometimes occurs after one too many vodkas!

Will anybody else turn up? They’ve said they will but it would be so easy not to. Heck! You’ve even thought about ditching at the last minute.

Will they like you? You want to make a good impression ’cause you quite like these women and you’re a nice person, some might even say funny, you don’t want them to regret inviting you out! If it’s not a complete disaster you’ll want to go out again.

If you’re brave, very brave, you go despite your worries and apprehension. You of course set off fashionably late so you’re not the first to arrive, you take a deep breath and you go.

This happened to me recently. It turns out, everyone had the same worries and as usual these ladies understood exactly what I was going through.

Being a new mummy can be a really lonely place, it’s important and I know, not always easy, to get out there to be around women who get it. So my advice to you, no matter how hard it feels is to take that deep breath ’cause the likelihood is, they’re feeling just like you.

Go on that Mummy date!

You never know, you might have one of the best nights you’ve had in a long time!

To the mummies who invited me out, thank you. I laughed until my jaws hurt and I can’t wait to do it again.

Posted by

30 something, married, mummy of one. Getting by on chocolate and laughter.

34 thoughts on “The Mummy Date

  1. Ah what a lovely read! So glad you had a good time. Always worth being brave and going for it. X

  2. Lovely post, it’s so true I was really nervous going to baby groups for the first time but it’s worth it to get out of the house and meet some new friends. My first night out was a nightmare trying to figure out what to wear I went safe and opted for black. Jen XOXO

    1. Thanks Jen, you get there and wonder why you’ve been worrying! Everyone is going through the same feelings, you’ve just got to go for it x

  3. I am an old mommy, and a grandmother but I remember those days of being a new mom all to well, at times. I know it can be lonely and I am so glad you and other young woman of your generation have each other to share these times with. My generation didn’t so much, we just kind of toughed it out alone, such a waste… but anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed your post, very well written and heartfelt, great work!!


    1. Thank you so much for reading.
      We’re getting there slowly, there are definitely more opportunities to support each other and make new friends x

  4. I didn’t really manage to make any mum friends at groups, even though I’ve been going to the same one for five years. I have found a small circle of mum friends at the school gates and we’ve already been for a couple of meals out, it’s been great!

    1. I didn’t do anything like this with my daughter (she’s 6) sometimes it takes a little longer to find people we actually want to spend time with xx

  5. I bet the other mums felt the same over the Mummy Date! I’m glad you went 🙂 I hope it’s the start of something wonderful x

  6. Awww, I loved yo ur post! I am 21 weeks pregnant, so I’ll be a new mummy soon, this is our first baby. I’m happy you had a great night. It was good to read about it. Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to do this too. 🙂

    1. Aww Congratulations! You most definitely will, it might take a few weeks to find some mums who you know you’ll get on with but once you do you’ll be set. It’s so important to get out when you’re ready, there is support out there by just chatting and having a brew. Well I found that anyway. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well xx

  7. Oh yeah! A girls night out is nerve wracking but nearly always worth it if the stars align and it all comes together. It is so important to make friends when you’re at home with babe’s all the time. XxX

    1. Thank you! I think you have to click with a couple of women and then you’re set! Meeting women who are experiencing the same as you at the same time really helps x

    1. Oh No! I’m sure you will find something, there’s several play places and childrens centres around where I live that have tots groups, once you find one you find them all as other mums have tried and tested!

  8. Spot on! I felt like mummy groups were like speed dating. Same conversation over and over, do they like me, do I like them.. but then it got easier and I made some really good friends but it took a lot of perseverance! I still haven’t really figured out what I should be wearing on nights out and my oldest is almost 4… everything seems too young or too old for me now!

    1. You’re right, it is a bit like speed dating. Eventually you find women that you know you’ll get on with, well I seemed to have. I’m always panicking whether I’ll be too over or underdressed, tis a pain xx

  9. Wow this is a brilliant idea, I’d never have thought to go on an actual mummy date. I bet you were all talking at lightning speed and finding so much in common with some. Glad you had a good time!

  10. I am a foreigner here and my first group was a complete disaster as I am having a hard time understanding them and them me. Eventually I slowly understand the language and slowly I gained friends from playgroups and now those faces still smile at me when I meet and see them around. Sadly I didnt go to mummy dates. That would’ve been nice me thinks! But now I am joining the mothers in my son’s school for walks and coffee =) #pocolo

    1. Sometimes it takes a little longer to find a group of women you want to spend time with. Maybe you could suggest a Mummy date to the mums from school? 🙂

  11. Great post! Haven’t had my mummy date yet and definitely nervous for it. Sober me is quite OTT at times. Now it only takes two drinks to push all my dials into the red zone. Hope they’re prepared, similar and understanding!

  12. What a lovely post! Mummies need time out too. I know people who got fed up of staying at home and constantly having the same routines so these mummy dates really lifted their spirits xx

  13. We did exactly this in our post natal group after our babies were about 4 months old – we all had a great time! It was such a good idea. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

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