Dealing with Cancer in the Family

Waiting

I’m waiting.

I wait in traffic to and from the hospital

I wait in waiting rooms with uncomfortable chairs.

I wait with him for to have blood taken

I wait with him for clinic, to see a doctor, or the nurse.

I wait for news

I wait with him for a bed

We wait for hours

I wait and I know he hates it.

Because this is the last place he wants to be.

The wait, just prolongs the inevitable.

The longer he waits the longer he’ll be in this time.

I wait to get home to my babies

Yet I can’t wait to get them in bed ’cause I’m exhausted.

I wait in silence messing on my phone til I’m tired enough to just drop off.

‘Cause if I go to bed too early, I’ll wait to go to sleep.

I wait to hear from him in the morning, to hear how he slept, how bad it is.

I wait until visiting time so I can see him.

I wait with him because I can’t stand the thought of him being alone.

I hate to leave him but I have to get home.

I wait for him to tell me he’s allowed to come home.

I can’t wait to pick him up.

I wait ’til he’s starting to feel better.

So I can start to relax.

I wait for good news.

I wait for our lives to move on.

I wait for his life to not revolve around hospital appointments and medication.

I so desperately want him to be well.

I wait to snap out of this mood because it’s so much worse for him than it is for me and I hate myself for feeling so fucking fed up.

I wait for some normality even though it might not come.

I wait for someone to wake us from this nightmare

I wait for this to be over.

I wait because there’s nothing I can do or say to help him right now.

I just have to wait

4 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Bless you Becky. Thinking of you all. The waiting must be the absolute worst. x x x

  2. Becky there simply are no words that I can say except for you are all in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that this hard time is soon over for you all and you can all look forward to a healthy future xx big hugs xx

  3. This is heartbreaking, but beautifully written. It must all be so frustrating and exhausting. You are a fantastic and supportive wife. x

Comments make me Happy! Like cake does but with less calories

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s