Cancer is a Stupid Idiot

I made my daughter cry.

My heart was broken and I was breaking hers.

To make sure she would be able to deal with what the future might hold.

Because I had promised her a year ago I would always be honest with her.

So she knew what was going on, in the hope that she would worry less.

‘My eyes sometimes get tears in mummy’

‘It’s ok to be sad’ I told her, ‘It’s a sad day’

I held her as she sobbed and I cried too.

Less than 2 hours before we had been told that Chris’ cancer had returned.

That there was a large tumour in his back and also 2 tumours in his lungs.

That the speed of reoccurrence so soon after finishing treatment and the rapid growth of the tumour in his back was extremely worrying.

That it was unlikely there would be a cure.

That treatment would start again straight away, with the hope to control the disease.

I had to tell her daddy’s cancer was back.

That he had to have chemo again.

That we hoped the chemo would work.

We will always hope.

But that it might not work which meant the cancer wouldn’t go away.

Through tears she asked why this was happening to her daddy.

Cried that is wasn’t fair.

That is was scary.

That she hated cancer.

That cancer was a stupid idiot.

I held her and I told her she was right.

I hugged her and cried with her

And told her it was ok to be sad.

That she could ask me any questions and I would try to answer.

Promised her I would always be honest with her.

Let her know that there was lots of people she could talk to.

That is was ok to be angry.

That it is ok to be happy.

That we will still laugh.

That I loved her very much

I held her and I agreed.

Cancer is a stupid idiot.

Posted by

30 something, married, mummy of one. Getting by on chocolate and laughter.

25 thoughts on “Cancer is a Stupid Idiot

  1. Oh Becky, I am so sorry this is happening. Cancer is such a bastard. Sending lots of love xxx

  2. I’m so sorry Becky I really am, your daughter is right cancer is a stupid idiot. I will be crossing my fingers for you so tightly and keeping you in my thoughts xx

  3. Oh Becky. She will value your honesty in the long run. Knowing that she can talk openly about her fears and that you will tell her the truth.
    I haven’t stopped thinking about you all since I read the news on Saturday. Keep fighting x x x

  4. I agree. It isn’t fair, it is scary, and it is OK to be sad, in fact anything she is feeling is OK. And you also shouldn’t have to feel you are holding it together for her. You are doing the best you can for her, and for him, and we are all crying with you but hoping for the best xxxx

  5. I’m utterly devastated for you guys, I really am. You have been so positive, so strong, you always have a smile. You have to be honest, and you have to cry together, no-one wants to cry alone.

    Everyone is heartbroken for all of you, and we all have everything crossed. Strength and love to you and your family from me and mine xxx

  6. Cancer sucks officially!! I happened across your link on FB but I am sending huge hugs in your direction! It is okay to be sad and it is okay to cry about it.

  7. I can’t believe it’s back ! I can’t believe you are having to go through all this again. If old high school friends and old acquaintances and strangers can understand it and comprehend it – god knows how you and your daughter and family are coping ! I pray for you all and hope that you get blessed with good news soon as god knows you deserve it. Thinking of you and your family!

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