It’s been hard
Hard to watch him in so much pain.
Hard to see his face contort in anguish as he struggles to find comfort.
Unable to find any relief.
Unable to get a break.
The tumour in his back now pushing on nerves.
‘Causing pins and needles then shooting pains thorugh his body, to the leg that is no longer there.
Hard to hear him describe the feeling as if someone was pouring boiling water all over his body, he was being attacked with hot pokers.
Hard to watch a man who was so independent even with one leg, just a week a go, become, dependent.
To go from using crutches to get about easily, to now be totally reliant on his wheelchair, even in the house.
To lose so much strength in his leg in such a short amount of time.
A man who was so strong.
Who can no longer even get upstairs to bed.
It causes too much pain, uses too much energy.
Pain that is exhausting yet has kept him awake at night.
Hard to stay positive, see the light when the darkness is trying to consume him.
I hope the visit from the pain team yesterday and a change in medication will help.
That the chemo will relieve the pressure.
That he will get some comfort.
That he will be able to rest.
Ready for the new battle.
It’s out of my control, I cannot take the pain away, cannot use reassuring words to make him feel any better.
I have been a little lost.
I’m waiting, hoping, it’ll get a little easier.
It’s been hard to watch.