Sometimes I miss my life
Life before all of this
Our life then
The feeling of loss catches me off guard
It becomes overwhelming
The loss of then, the loss of dreams
The simplicity of our existence
I miss my worries being forgettable
I miss carefree days that didn’t feel wasted
I miss not feeling guilty for going out
I miss having someone else to blame for the house being a mess
I miss having someone to carry the heavy stuff
I miss being spontaneous, now most things need a plan
I miss his smile reaching his eyes
I miss feeling in control
I miss feeling like I’m useful
I miss having the right words to help
I miss believing in forever
I miss thinking things will get better
I miss believing we’d grow old and greyer together
I miss the ease of how things were
I miss not knowing about cancer
I miss my heart not hurting
I miss not having to think
About time
About its limitations
About how it will run out
Sooner than is comprehensible
I feel, guilty
Guilty for missing these things
For missing then
When I need to squeeze every last drop of joy
Out of now
We need to live this life
Happily and fully
For as long as we can.
It seems so long ago
Then before now
So different
Not all bad
At the core the same
Same love
Same laughter
Same togetherness
Always
Sometimes I miss my life then
But I’ll keep making sure I find happiness
In this life now.
Becky you are amazing. All of you. Your attutude to life and everything that has happened – just awesome. Keep on making those memories lovely lady. Big hugs xxx
you will come out the other side a stronger person
I showed one of your lovely smiley Insta family pics to my husband the other day, and said how amazing, how strong you are being through the tough times, and that everyone should live by your example. But I can totally see how tiring and wearing it must be to keep on trying to put a brave face on. I imagine you are doing it for your children, and for your husband, but I’m sure they are all just so proud and full of love for you. You can only do what you can do; hoping you have good local support to pick you up and help carry you on at those times when you need it most xx
Big hugs! You are awesome. Smiles may not always reach the eyes but you and your family have the biggest, most beautiful ones. xx
I wish I could take it all away from you somehow. I would totally feel the same. You are amazing xx
Oh Becky. I just wish things were so very different. I just hope the smile reaches his eyes again. Lots of love xx