I’ve been building it
For as long as I can now remember.
Going through life creating it without acknowledging it was happening.
I have always known it was there, present
I know that I am lucky
Lucky to have my life so enriched
Lucky to have been drawn to them and them to me.
More recently I have been thinking a lot about them
About who they are, what they mean to me
People have asked how I do it
How I get up and carry on
How I keep smiling
How I stay strong.
I really have no choice.
Some days are not as easy as others
I know days in the future will be even harder
But when I wake
My first thought is not that of dread or heartbreak
There is no new realisation of our now normal
No sudden remembering
I do not forget in dream
What my reality is.
I’ve realised, it’s thanks to them, you
These people who surround me
Who quietly comfort me in darkness
Showing me the way
To stand with me in the light
That this feeling, this outlook is possible.
I no longer believe everything happens for a reason
There is no good reason that Chris is going through this
That my kids are going through this
There will be nothing gained
But I still believe people happen for a reason
That the people I have around me are meant to be.
Our paths have crossed, are thrown together, run alongside each other, have stuck, for a reason
Even those who passed by taught lessons, gave memories, helped me move forward
Helped me understand who I am, what I should tolerate
So I could truly understand what a friend should be.
Their energy didn’t lift me like the others that remain
They’re not bad, they just aren’t good for me
For this space, this life, this time.
My village, my life now
Is filled with those that are amazing to me
Some have been around longer than others
They have seen me make mistakes, they have watched me grow
Our lives now so entwined separation is impossible
Friends turned to family.
Some are fairly new to my life
Though they feel like they’ve always been a part of it
No less important.
Some I’ve met once or twice, or not at all
Who reach out to me through messages or texts, their words meaningful, sincere.
All hold my hand physically and virtually
All walk with me through the downpours
They’re there for me when I need it most
I hope they realise how important they are to me
How glad I am to have them in my life
How loved they are
Without them days would be unbearable
They make me feel normal in an incomprehensible situation
With them I know I can face anything
They give me reasons to keep smiling
And the strength I need to carry on
Without them I would be lost
I can carry on
Thanks to them