Lily wanted cake

She also wanted to put a picture of your face on a tall fan

So you could still blow out the candles

Sam wanted a batman balloon.

It’s been playing on my mind

What to do for your birthday.

I needed to talk to you about it

You’d have given an alternative

Then I’d have ignored you

Going along with my first idea of a plan

Not ignore, ignored you

I did listen

But your plans involved, less

You’d have moaned that I never listen to you

That you weren’t sure why I bothered asking in the first place

You’d secretly love the plan

You just loved moaning more.

Last year we made a fuss

A big fuss

You started chemo on your birthday,

What a way to celebrate,

So we planned a little get together the weekend before.

I went over the top with balloons

As always

Can you even call it a celebration without balloons?

And banners

And bunting

And table decorations

And all those other bits I end up buying.

All in that pop art super hero theme.

We had party food

And drinks

And cake.

A super hero cake.

3 Tiered, thanks to the kindness of a wonderful friend

With a big blue glittery 35 on the top.

After a hopeful Christmas and New Year

Our world had been turned upside down

Our future was not, a future.

We were making the most of the now.

We wanted to do something nice

Something fun

We had already decided we would celebrate everything.

A green light for balloons on all occasions

And sometimes just because.

‘If it’s your last we’re making it a good one’

We joked

Why did we joke like that?

Never really believing it would be

Not even for a moment.

That 35 was the oldest you would ever be.

How can 35 be the oldest you’ll ever be.

Now the day is approaching again

I was struggling

How do you celebrate a birthday of someone who isn’t here?

Of someone who only got to 35

Who will only ever be 35.

Of the person you miss most in the world.

Wanting to celebrate

Because we should still celebrate everything.

Not quite sure how.

I don’t want to go over the top

But desperately wanting to remember

For the day not to just pass by.

Trying to find a balance.

It played on my mind for days.

Then I went with my original plan

‘Cause I’d have asked you

And ignored you

Then you’d have moaned, you didn’t know why I bothered asking in the first place.

So there’ll be cake

Not the fan idea though, that might be pushing it

There’ll be balloons

There’ll be party food

The kids will make cards

We’ll spend some quiet time remembering

And time with friends, remembering

We’ll celebrate you

And your 35 years

We’ll raise a glass

Or two, or three

And you’d have moaned about the fuss

But secretly you’d have loved it.