Lily wanted cake
She also wanted to put a picture of your face on a tall fan
So you could still blow out the candles
Sam wanted a batman balloon.
It’s been playing on my mind
What to do for your birthday.
I needed to talk to you about it
You’d have given an alternative
Then I’d have ignored you
Going along with my first idea of a plan
Not ignore, ignored you
I did listen
But your plans involved, less
You’d have moaned that I never listen to you
That you weren’t sure why I bothered asking in the first place
You’d secretly love the plan
You just loved moaning more.
Last year we made a fuss
A big fuss
You started chemo on your birthday,
What a way to celebrate,
So we planned a little get together the weekend before.
I went over the top with balloons
Can you even call it a celebration without balloons?
And table decorations
And all those other bits I end up buying.
All in that pop art super hero theme.
We had party food
A super hero cake.
3 Tiered, thanks to the kindness of a wonderful friend
With a big blue glittery 35 on the top.
After a hopeful Christmas and New Year
Our world had been turned upside down
Our future was not, a future.
We were making the most of the now.
We wanted to do something nice
We had already decided we would celebrate everything.
A green light for balloons on all occasions
And sometimes just because.
‘If it’s your last we’re making it a good one’
Why did we joke like that?
Never really believing it would be
Not even for a moment.
That 35 was the oldest you would ever be.
How can 35 be the oldest you’ll ever be.
Now the day is approaching again
I was struggling
How do you celebrate a birthday of someone who isn’t here?
Of someone who only got to 35
Who will only ever be 35.
Of the person you miss most in the world.
Wanting to celebrate
Because we should still celebrate everything.
Not quite sure how.
I don’t want to go over the top
But desperately wanting to remember
For the day not to just pass by.
Trying to find a balance.
It played on my mind for days.
Then I went with my original plan
‘Cause I’d have asked you
And ignored you
Then you’d have moaned, you didn’t know why I bothered asking in the first place.
So there’ll be cake
Not the fan idea though, that might be pushing it
There’ll be balloons
There’ll be party food
The kids will make cards
We’ll spend some quiet time remembering
And time with friends, remembering
We’ll celebrate you
And your 35 years
We’ll raise a glass
Or two, or three
And you’d have moaned about the fuss
But secretly you’d have loved it.