I have made it no secret that I have been lost.

I have found myself searching

Trying to find, myself

To work out who I am now in this world.

Unsure of where I fit or how I am to be

Not knowing where the person I was once so sure of has gone

Or what could ever make me happy

After the happiness I was so familiar with has been shattered.

Turns out I have been searching in all the wrong places

The emphasis put on things I have no control over.

Looking for my peace elsewhere, in others, in things.

Believing my happiness was another’s responsibility

That something else should pull me from the dark hole I find myself suffocating in

Yet still feeling lost.

I realised that in order to find myself I need to work on, me

I need to rethink, my thinking

I need to take responsibility

To work out what makes me happy

Discover what I like about myself

So I can start to like the world again.

It is a journey

I fucking hate that word.

A process I know I have to undertake.

Of stripping back everything I thought I knew

The relationships I thought I had.

Stop myself focussing on the negatives

On what I see myself as being bad at

Stop beating myself up at the slightest blip.

Allow the positive be the thing I see first.

This is the beginning.

A beginning of letting go

Not of you, never of you

How could I ever let go of you.

Of letting go of everything else

So my mind is less busy

So I can find some peace.

It will take time, I’m sure

I am in no rush.

I’m not even sure I’ll be able to do this on my own

Whether I’ll need to seek out help

Could I be ready for that now?

I know I am ready to start

I want to find my place in this world without you

Knowing you’re always by my side.