We often sugar coat people in death
Praise them for all the good points and forget the bad.
We haven’t done that with you
I’m quite proud of the fact.
We remember the good of course, the way you made us feel
That you were a good friend
That you worried about people and cared deeply.
We remember how you made us laugh and the daft things you did
That overtime you grew, that at your core you were good.
I remember what a good daddy you are and how much you loved us.
We also remember the times you weren’t so nice
Or those times you made questionable choices,
That sometimes your actions upset people.
We can’t forget how impatient and annoying you could often be.
That you weren’t everyones cup of tea
We cannot be liked by everyone we meet
And that’s ok.
No one wants to be thought of negatively
Even people who are unapologetic in their manner
Nasty and malicious in their approach
Their behaviour is shaped from a place they believe in
No one is an arsehole on purpose, are they?
Or maybe they are
Maybe they just can’t see it
Or can’t admit it.
We are meeting people in different capacities constantly
Through life our relationships are ever-changing.
Sometimes we click with people straight away
Other times the opposite is true.
We are unable to see the good in a person
They bring out the worst in us
Or get on our nerves through no fault of our own.
These people are still loved by somebody, even if they aren’t liked by us.
This journey is making me reflect on who I really am
I am trying to worry less about the opinion of others
Instead focussing on the values I hold, the morals I want to live by.
The things and people I need and want in my life
And how this affects the impression I give to people and how I make them feel.
I am not perfect
I have made and I’m probably still making mistakes
I am not looking for perfection.
Even though this isn’t about opinions of me or even trying to change existing opinions
More about living authentically
I am looking for peace, for calm.
Can I profess wanting to live in the light if I don’t practise it?
When a relationship moves on, as they often do
Or I lose touch with people, with no blame on either side
Or I have unintentionally wronged you
As life takes us in different directions and time pulls us apart.
When I have ended or end relationships that are not healthy
Embroiled in toxicity and darkness and anxiety
When I am no longer here
I will have still have left an impression on you.
I want to be remembered as the woman who tried
Tried to be kind to everyone she met
Tried to think of others
Tried to help without expecting anything in return
Tried to be positive
Tried to be brave
Tried to live simply and honestly.
I want to be remembered
As a good friend, even if the friendship doesn’t last.
Someone who has good energy to be around
As someone who filled her kids lives with adventures and helped them find happiness in the small things.
Someone who loved
Someone who was grateful for her life, the people in it and the experiences she had.
I do not expect to be sugar-coated
I cannot be everyone’s cup of tea, I will not try to be
And that’s ok.
When I am no longer a part of your life
Remember me as someone who kept going
Even though at times she was scared
Someone who never gave up trying