We often sugar coat people in death

Praise them for all the good points and forget the bad.

We haven’t done that with you

I’m quite proud of the fact.

We remember the good of course, the way you made us feel

That you were a good friend

That you worried about people and cared deeply.

We remember how you made us laugh and the daft things you did

That overtime you grew, that at your core you were good.

I remember what a good daddy you are and how much you loved us.

We also remember the times you weren’t so nice

Or those times you made questionable choices,

That sometimes your actions upset people.

We can’t forget how impatient and annoying you could often be.

That you weren’t everyones cup of tea

We cannot be liked by everyone we meet

And that’s ok.

No one wants to be thought of negatively

Do they?

Even people who are unapologetic in their manner

Nasty and malicious in their approach

Their behaviour is shaped from a place they believe in

No one is an arsehole on purpose, are they?

Or maybe they are

Maybe they just can’t see it

Or can’t admit it.

We are meeting people in different capacities constantly

Through life our relationships are ever-changing.

Sometimes we click with people straight away

Other times the opposite is true.

We are unable to see the good in a person

They bring out the worst in us

Or get on our nerves through no fault of our own.

These people are still loved by somebody, even if they aren’t liked by us.

This journey is making me reflect on who I really am

I am trying to worry less about the opinion of others

Instead focussing on the values I hold, the morals I want to live by.

The things and people I need and want in my life

And how this affects the impression I give to people and how I make them feel.

I am not perfect

I have made and I’m probably still making mistakes

I am not looking for perfection.

Even though this isn’t about opinions of me or even trying to change existing opinions

More about living authentically

I am looking for peace, for calm.

Can I profess wanting to live in the light if I don’t practise it?

When a relationship moves on, as they often do

Or I lose touch with people, with no blame on either side

Or I have unintentionally wronged you

As life takes us in different directions and time pulls us apart.

When I have ended or end relationships that are not healthy

Embroiled in toxicity and darkness and anxiety

When I am no longer here

I will have still have left an impression on you.

I want to be remembered as the woman who tried

Tried to be kind to everyone she met

Tried to think of others

Tried to help without expecting anything in return

Tried to be positive

Tried to be brave

Tried to live simply and honestly.

I want to be remembered

As a good friend, even if the friendship doesn’t last.

Someone who has good energy to be around

As someone who filled her kids lives with adventures and helped them find happiness in the small things.

Someone who loved

Someone who was grateful for her life, the people in it and the experiences she had.

I do not expect to be sugar-coated

I cannot be everyone’s cup of tea, I will not try to be

And that’s ok.

When I am no longer a part of your life

Remember me as someone who kept going

Even though at times she was scared

Someone who never gave up trying