Family

Birth Story

I don’t have a birth story.

I have a labour story, which is actually quite amusing.

There is no birth story.

I don’t even know if I can call Sam arriving into the world a birth.

Can I? Can I call it a birth?

What do I tell him when he’s older?

He wasn’t really born.

He was brought Β back to life.

I didn’t give birth.

With the munchkin I had a section, that was a birth. I was awake, Mr C was there, he held my hand and we talked, I saw her straight away and held her soon after.

She was born, she cried, we held her, she was fed, we had visitors and congratulation messages.

Sam, my poor Sam who has surprised us all, it wasn’t a birth.

I don’t like to dwell on what happened, I don’t struggle to talk about it, I’m positive about the future and I know how lucky we are, I am.

I know.

It was traumatic but I don’t feel traumatised.

It’s just I’ve been struggling lately to define my ‘birth experience’

My birth story.

I see so many blogs and stories about birth experiences and no matter how those babies were born.Β I find myself feeling. Jealous.

It wasn’t a birth.

I was put to sleep. Unconscious.

My womb tore.

The right decision was made.

To wake up not having a clue what’s gone on.

With no baby next to you.

I mean, I went to theatre to have my baby.

I wake up, he’s not there.

To ask your husband if the baby had died, pleaded with him to tell you the truth and to not lie.

But really not comprehending whats going on.

Really not caring because you are so completely out of it.

Feeling nothing. Numb.

That’s not a birth.

I didn’t see my baby for 15 hours.

15 Hours.

We couldn’t hold him.

That’s not a birth.

I know I am lucky.

We are lucky.

Sam is lucky.

I have my baby. They fought to save my baby.

I will always be thankful.

I don’t want to call it a birth.

I have a labour story and then. Then nothing.

I can’t call it a birth.

I don’t have a birth story.

 

 

14 thoughts on “Birth Story

  1. I’m sorry it went wrong for you. I have just given birth to my second boy by private elective c section because my first birth was so traumatic, although thankfully my son was fine and I did get to see him quite soon after he was brought round with the oxygen.

    So whilst I don’t feel robbed of a birth as such, it was a birth story I paid dearly to avoid a second time round.

    I hope you and your beautiful boy are well now.

    #pocolo

    1. Thank you, thank you for reading.
      Luckily my little boy is fine but it could have been very different as he was very poorly when he arrived with us.
      I hope you’re feeling well after your section xx

  2. Such a sad post but with a happy ending {that your little one and you are fine!}. I am sorry you dont have a birth story, you certainly have an experience, and your reward for that hell you went through? That beautiful little person to call you own…xx

  3. Sorry you don’t have a birth story to be able to remember to tell but your boy was born and I think, bigger than the birth story, he has a life story and he is sharing that with you πŸ™‚ Thank you for linking to PoCoLo πŸ™‚ x

  4. Oh my bab! I am sorry you feel like that! As Vic says he does he has a life story. You are all such little troopers and you have done so well! It’s hard when it doesn’t go to plan but I think you should be super proud of you and your little man xxx

    1. Thank you lovely. I know I’m really lucky and I am super proud of him, he’s so scrumptious! Think was just having a wobble as there is so many lovely birth stories floating about xx

  5. He’s adorable and even though you had a horrible time I guess you have to remind yourself that your son is perfect. I had a dreadful time having my twin daughters too, I’ll never write about it, and never went on to have any more children, but they were both perfect & that’s all that mattered in the end. I am so loving the name Froglet by the way. Well done you x

    1. Thank you. I know I’m very lucky as so far the Froglet is doing really well and he’s so scrumptious, like you say I have to remind myself of πŸ™‚

  6. I’m so sorry that I am only just reading and commenting. When you write this I found it too hard to read. I still wanted my VBAC back then and was still haunted by what had happened with Luka. And I do totally get you. His birth was a lot like this and I know how awful it is to wake up and be told that your baby is here, born without you. I am so sorry this happened but so so glad he is ok and you are ok. More than that, you are inspirational x x x x

  7. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I read this post and I can’t imagine how you must have felt. I had four C sections and I used to read birth stories and feel slightly miffed that I ever had the chance for a proper birth but I think as time passes, you move on from the birth and enjoy living with and loving your children. It was obviously an awful experience to have gone through but I’m sure that in time you will come to terms with it.

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