I will look back

I do not want to say goodbye

To this year

2017.

I have struggled to think about a new year

Starting it without you,

A frame of time you will never be in

You don’t get to experience.

A year without you.

A future I didn’t envisage

Didn’t really believe I would ever have to face.

I have thought about this time last year

With hope alive

We thought this was going to be our year

Pure, simple happiness still existed

Oh how much can change ever so quickly.

I look back over the last 12 months.

Some of the best moments of my life happened

The best memories were created

My favourite photos of us altogether were taken

We managed to do so much, despite it all.

Laughed like I will never laugh again.

A year I love and hate in equal measure.

It has been unforgettable

Unimaginable.

A year that I will hold dear

A year I will remember always

For all of the good reasons

And because of all the awful reasons too.

I do not wish it to be over

I do not want to see the back of it

I will not be saying goodbye.

That would mean saying goodbye to all that happened

To a time that you were still here

With me

With us.

I will not welcome the coming year with open arms

I do not wonder what may come

The future does not hold any of the promise of previous years.

Instead I will whisper hello

Hoping she’ll be gentle.

We are facing a year of unavoidable firsts

Finding ourselves navigating through the emotions and thoughts these will bring

As time continues to move me further away from you.

A deal made with the years from now on

That I will carry 2017

And each year spent with you before now

Safely in the broken pieces of my heart

Locked forever in memories we will relive.

Looking forward at ways to make the most out of this life I am now living.

No other plans

No resolutions

No changes to be made.

Just a promise we will try to get through the days

In a search for the happy moments to outweigh the other.

Knowing I will be looking back

To a time you existed

Bringing our past along

Carrying our love with me

Moving forward, never on

Always.

Posted by

30 something, married, mummy of one. Getting by on chocolate and laughter.

3 thoughts on “I will look back

  1. Your blogs are always so hard to read but so well written and can tell they are written from the bottom of your heart

  2. It is so hard to look forward when you haven’t finished looking back – I’m sure it fills your head all the time still, there is little room for anything else, but you are doing it, you really are. I’m glad you guys got to make some awesome memories and do some amazing things together. It’s such precious time and you used it so well. My love and strength to you. May your 2018 be the best it can be xx

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