I do not want to say goodbye
To this year
I have struggled to think about a new year
Starting it without you,
A frame of time you will never be in
You don’t get to experience.
A year without you.
A future I didn’t envisage
Didn’t really believe I would ever have to face.
I have thought about this time last year
With hope alive
We thought this was going to be our year
Pure, simple happiness still existed
Oh how much can change ever so quickly.
I look back over the last 12 months.
Some of the best moments of my life happened
The best memories were created
My favourite photos of us altogether were taken
We managed to do so much, despite it all.
Laughed like I will never laugh again.
A year I love and hate in equal measure.
It has been unforgettable
A year that I will hold dear
A year I will remember always
For all of the good reasons
And because of all the awful reasons too.
I do not wish it to be over
I do not want to see the back of it
I will not be saying goodbye.
That would mean saying goodbye to all that happened
To a time that you were still here
I will not welcome the coming year with open arms
I do not wonder what may come
The future does not hold any of the promise of previous years.
Instead I will whisper hello
Hoping she’ll be gentle.
We are facing a year of unavoidable firsts
Finding ourselves navigating through the emotions and thoughts these will bring
As time continues to move me further away from you.
A deal made with the years from now on
That I will carry 2017
And each year spent with you before now
Safely in the broken pieces of my heart
Locked forever in memories we will relive.
Looking forward at ways to make the most out of this life I am now living.
No other plans
No changes to be made.
Just a promise we will try to get through the days
In a search for the happy moments to outweigh the other.
Knowing I will be looking back
To a time you existed
Bringing our past along
Carrying our love with me
Moving forward, never on