You were in my dream
I dreamt of you.
You’re on my mind
In every thought
This was the first time you have appeared in my dreams
I was surprised because it was recent you
In a wheelchair
With cancer you
Against time you.
I always expected to see pre all this shit you.
A time when our worries were silly and not worries at all
You weren’t in pain
You were happy
I was happy
We were happy
Laughing at some daft thing you’d said
Until the end.
You still died.
Of course you did, we’re not even lucky in dreams.
But it was different
With less pain
With the heartbreak but less agony
Maybe ’cause I’m experiencing how the story plays out.
As with all nightmares, apart from the one I am living, I woke with a start.
I had a tough start to the week.
With more bad moments in days than good
Tiredness taking its toll on my mood
The usually dull constant sadness, felt throbbing where my heart should beat
The night before I dreamt of you I cried.
It took me by surprise.
I have cried, I cry, but not like this
Not since the day you left me.
Believing I would never be able to stop
When I woke from my dream with you I felt, ok
Never good, or well, always just ok.
After days of feeling, not ok.
I realised I will always be learning
Of keeping busy and allowing myself to have moments of quiet
Of distraction and thinking
There is no right way to deal with this
But I need to find ways of helping myself
From drowning, from losing myself
I woke from you and the week changed
Just a little
So there was a bit more good in the days
So I stayed afloat.
8 thoughts on “Dreamland Visitor”
You can do it missus. You are doing so well. No rush, no pressure, allow yourself this time to heal. You know sobbing is part of that, and always will be. I hope that this week is a better one for you. Love and strength to you, as always xxx
Teeny tiny steps my lovely. Xx
You write so beautifully. I am in tears again reading your words.
I think Chris is showing you that he’ll always be with you, when you need him. Just checking in. Bringing you some balance, when you feel like you’re falling.
You’re doing amazingly. Be kind to yourself, lovely. X
I think he knew you needed him lovely x
I cried reading this you write things I feel , you just take it as slow as you like . Keep talking cry if you need to cry theirs no time limit . You speak beautifully about your husband keep this going . Sending you a hug xxx
OK is pretty good for now I think. He’s watching and willing you to win x
Oh my lovely. Please keep staying afloat. Please reach out every time you feel you can’t. xx
There is never a right or wrong way with such things…..just a we’ll see how this day goes! Keep doing amazing and just being you. I didnt know Chris and its along time since edgehill…but you were a beautiful person then and that is what will get you through. Xxx